How the Holidays Affect CPTSD

You have heard of PTSD, but what is CPTSD? CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and sometimes as Childhood Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The holiday season is a time associated with joy, family, and celebration but also a time of stress for many, particularly those living with CPTSD. In this post, we explore how the holidays can impact individuals with CPTSD, discussing both challenges and coping strategies.

What is CPSTD?

CPSTD is a mental health condition that includes the symptoms of PSTD (e.g., flashbacks, hypervigilance, avoidance), and complicated emotions due to prolonged, long-term trauma. Examples include domestic violence, abuse and neglect, war or community violence. However, CPTSD can also result from having a parent with mental illness, substance abuse, or victims of coercive control.

CPTSD symptoms can often include difficulty controlling emotions, feelings of overwhelm, worthlessness, shame, or guilt, difficulty connecting with others or other relationship issues, physical symptoms like headaches, dizziness, chest pains, and stomach aches, or feelings of self-harm.

I have a few clients with CPTSD, and recent conversations around the holidays inspired me to write this post.

The Psychological Impact of the Holidays on CPTSD

Stress and overstimulation are a hallmark of the holidays, even for those without mental health issues. The sensory overload of lights, crowds, sounds, and busy schedules can be overwhelming, and even more so for people with CPTSD.

For those with childhood trauma, the holidays serve as a reminder of emotional distress and can bring up painful memories. The loss of a loved one, disconnection from family, or trauma related to past holiday can lead to overwhelming emotions. Further, the pressure to "be happy" during the holidays can exacerbate feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation.

CPTSD often causes hypervigilance or anxiety, which may be heightened by the unpredictability of holiday events. Routines, which are so important for those coping with CPTSD, are disrupted. Unexpected visitors, changes in routine, unfamiliar social environments, and anxiety over communicating with or seeing perpetrators can trigger symptoms.

The pressure to conform to social norms is intense for all of us. It is even more intense for those with CPTSD. The expectation to participate in social events and gatherings can feel overwhelming. Those living with CPTSD may experience social anxiety or isolation, a fear of being misunderstood or judged by others, especially when struggling with symptoms.

Dysfunctional or tense family relationships can trigger trauma-related responses. For some, family gatherings can be a source of re-traumatization if they are in an environment where their trauma is invisible, not understood or even validated.

The role of grief plays an extensive role in those with CPTSD. The holidays can amplify grief, especially for those who have lost loved ones or experienced significant life changes. Grieving individuals with CPTSD may experience feelings of loneliness, alienation, or heightened sadness during the holidays.

Unrealistic depictions in the media of families during the holidays are particularly troubling for those with CPTSD. The portrayal of perfect holiday moments in movies, advertisements, and on social media can create feelings of inadequacy or shame for those whose holiday experiences don't match these ideals. The pressure to "celebrate" in certain ways can feel alienating.

Social media can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, as individuals compare their holiday experiences to others' seemingly perfect lives. For those experiencing trauma-related symptoms, seeing others' happiness can heighten their sense of isolation.

Self-Care and Coping Strategies:

People living with CPTSD must set firm boundaries with family, friends, and social events. If family is a trigger, plan to stay only a little while. Ducking out before the holiday meal is a good way to limit exposure to triggers.

I also suggest creating personalized "safe spaces" during holiday events, where people can retreat if overwhelmed. Examples include playing with the children that are present at family gatherings or taking time to breathe in the back room or car. At social events, it’s okay to disappear and take time if feeling overwhelmed.

Those receiving treatment for CPTSD will have multiple tools in their toolbelt to cope with symptoms and triggers. Mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, or grounding techniques help people stay calm and centered during stressful situations.

Of course, seeking professional support is always a good idea. CPTSD does not go away on its own. Coaching, therapy or counseling, particularly trauma-focused therapies are a huge help for those with CPTSD. Support groups or online communities can offer understanding and solidarity.

It’s important to manage expectations and set realistic goals for the holiday season. It’s okay not to participate in every holiday tradition or celebration. Individuals with CPTSD should prioritize self-care and reduce unrealistic expectations.

How Loved Ones Can Help:

Friends and family members can support loved ones with CPTSD by respecting boundaries, being patient, and offering reassurance without pressuring. Encourage open communication about triggers, needs, and limits, helping loved ones understand the specific ways CPTSD affects holiday experiences. Family members and friends can also offer practical help, such as assisting with holiday preparations, offering quiet spaces, or helping to plan lower-stress gatherings.

Positive Aspects of the Holidays for Individuals with CPTSD:

One of the positives about breaking with old patterns is the creation of new ones. Building new traditions with your Family of Choice can be creative and exciting and help to replace negative feelings. People with CPTSD and their loved ones can create new, meaningful holiday traditions that prioritize their well-being and reduce stress.

People with CPTSD can explore how the holidays can provide moments for healing, such as connecting with others who share similar experiences or using the holiday season for self-reflection and growth.

Emphasizing the value of simple, low-pressure holiday activities that focus on peace, relaxation, and comfort (e.g., quiet time with loved ones, watching a favorite movie, or enjoying nature), can be a new lens to view the holidays.

The holidays can exacerbate CPTSD symptoms, but remember the importance of boundaries, self-care, and that support from loved ones can make a significant difference.

Be gentle with yourselves during the holiday season, seek help if needed, and prioritize your mental health.

While the holidays may present unique challenges for those with CPTSD, with awareness, planning, and support, it is possible to find ways to cope and even find meaning and joy in the season.

Happy Holidays to You and Yours!

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